Orkut ???

This hole is as deep as holes can get. This site was started with good intentions I'm sure. It still serves the purpose of 'connecting people' like no other portal. Its definitely the most famous and the most used portal in the world (citation needed). It was taken over by Google at a point in its lifetime, and has been buzzing and improving from then on ... but don't take the word 'improvement' here in the social sense, its just the technical aspect I'm talking about. The looks, the features, the functionality have improved over the time, no doubts, but ... that is not what I'm gonna write about here today.

What do we find in all public forums? We find people. All kinds of people. Now thats also not what I'm gonna write about. I'm gonna write about a certain type of people found on Orkut (or in general any public forum) and will step by step try and describe their sub types. So welcome to Orkut.

So if you are a girl reading this post, you will probably relate with it much faster. If you are a guy reading it, no issues, you'll understand eventually.

See being on Orkut for so long (almost a veteran now) I have noticed that there has been a certain segment of people (profiles) who (which) are on a continuous hunt for Girls on Orkut day in and day out. Their motives may be anything, from the depths of perverseness to the heights of innocence. They might just want to add you to their list of Online Friends to make it look cool, or they just might want to hunt you down and sleep with you. This post is not about the motive, its just about the type. And this post is not just about Orkut (mostly), its about most of the internet portals with similar functionality. This post intends to mock such profiles just for the heck of it, and, for their sheer profanity or 'The Ocean of Dumb' they swim in. The basic types of profiles of Hunters include the following ...

Type 1 : Ass Wipes
Such are the kinds whose profiles scream out loud, See, I'm totally interested in sex and sexual topics. Kindly refrain from normal conversations. I might get offended. And yeah, I don't have balls to make a normal profile and I am an ugly looking retard in real life. They usually have a display picture of highly explicit sexual nature. Flashing genitals and/or display of breasts being the most common. If you notice closely they have all kinds of Ugly communities added to their already messed up shit they claim to call a profile (Yeah Right!). Mostly their scraps to the real world would be sexual in nature, so no prizes for guessing that. The best part is their scrapbooks. You notice there normal people (guys) who are so downright dumb that only a slight glimpse of a display picture of revealing nature is enough for them to scrap back saying Will you be my friend? I mean what has gone wrong with the 90% guy population of this country. I mean GUYS! THOSE ARE NOT REAL GIRLS! Are you so dumb that you cant tell a fake profile from a normal one. Such desperate fucks need to be shot dead, literally.

Type 2: The Punk Faggot
This one is very very tricky. Usually has a very Punk display picture of a very very good looking and well dressed male. Mostly picked up from anime circles or fashion websites. Some of these fuck-ups also choose to put up pictures about darkness, death and paranoid looking shyte. This is a common practice amongst the non-Hunters and hence makes detecting a hunter very very difficult. They scrap (target) girls from metropolitan cities only. Period. They act mushy, they act girly, they act emotional. Lines like Dont listen to what random people say about me ... I'm a nice guy! Yeah right asshole, if you are so nice why are you justifying your bowels to eternity. Detecting this one is very easy if you know what you're looking for. They have huge number of good looking(mostly fake) girls on their list, a lot of foreigners and a plethora of just 'copy-paste' scraps. They are it. Their testimonials cry out loud, I'm the one who believes in fairies. Go drown yourself you faggot! These fucks really irritate me when they actually 'are' hunters and they write English as if they have a smoldering hot lead pipe in their asses. I hp U fKs doN MnD m3 moCK!nG yoo!

Type 3: The Mushy Pigs
Their sole aim in life is to get a girl sentimental. They might not have the weight to chase you down and date you. They just want to play mind-games and later tell tales of their internet valor over coffee. They usually have a display picture depicting a flying bird, a burning candle, drops falling into water, crying portraits. These kinds are harmless but are irritating to the core. Their approach is totally cliche and these are the ones with lines like ... Hey! I really like your profile, can we be friends? I wanna know more about you, etc. Now they pretend to be really really good friends. They paste (s)craps of how important friendship is and all. Just ignore. Do not bother about them. The only fuck up is that mostly all regular 'not-so-smart' girls (sorry) end up chatting with these guys and crying on their pillows at night cos' He did not come online today! Have I done something wrong? So I suggest, anyone without a DP = IGNORE! Notice how these guys try and act personal and interested and overtly friendly.

Type 4: The Regular Lets Try
These are the folks who are actually capable of having a life outside Orkut. Just that in their free time they keep scrapping here and there trying their luck. They usually reside in the smaller towns. So they just harmlessly send out friend requests. Once they are ignored by a girl, they don't mind. But boy do they aim high! These guys put up their washed out pictures (mostly original) and are completely harmless. Their only fault can be that they are not your type. They usually make friends on the internet from their own small towns and are happy fooling around with friends. My 10 cents on - Completely Harmless. They are NOT hunters, but they are not NON-HUNTERS either. Phew! This is the transition kind. Hardest to explain. Some of the non-hunters also indulge in such kind of things for the sake of Time Pass. So this category actually doesn't belong here; but still its here. It has no permanent membership. The only effect they have is just the one extra click you have to do on NO / DELETE / IGNORE. And yeah, I forgot, these are the ones with all the FRANDSHEEP requests.

So that broadly categorizes most of the Hunters. As for the NON-HUNTERS. Lemme give you a few pointers as to how to detect them. They show sparks of wit, humor, attitude, smarts, etc when in conversations. They are truly there to talk to their friends and friends alone.

Now there are a few other categories also, but I'm tired. Will try to elaborate later. And yeah, I know this one sounds a bit on the lines of maddox but I have an explanation for that too. Just like we all ride cycles just the way Lance Armstrong does (doesn't mean we have been inspired by him), there was no other way to mock fuckers other than that of Maddox.