Speed Delivery Of Nightmares

It was a lovely afternoon. I was crossing the road in front of my house. The road was wide and a cool wind was kissing my forehead. Frivolity was at its best as I saw the happy kids jumping around the pavement trying to play some kind of a variant to good old soccer. Leaves were hustling and the birds were singing a soothing song. There was no traffic on the road and I decided to cross it, keeping in mind that I had to 'look to the left and then look to the right before crossing'. I took a carefree step, as carefree as it could be, like an eagle. As I was soaring across the road I noticed a spot of a vehicle far away towards the right side. I have enough time I thought to myself. Thank you God, for this wonderful...

WOOOOOOOOSHHH !!! SCREEEEECHHH !!! WHHHRRRRR .... WOOOOSHHH !!!

"God-damn-it! What was that!" I exclaimed. Something blazing fast had just crossed my path, turned me around and was on its way now. Twisting my senses and turning my world upside down. I gathered courage to somehow just try and catch a glimpse of my destroyer from amidst the smoke he had left behind. You wont believe what had hit me. What I saw was ... this.

It seems like either someone is always very hungry or it has just become a trend now. Speedy scooters thrown out of control due to a Huge Box attached to their arse. What is in the boxes? Pizzas (Another instrument of physical destruction). Had it been an ambulance, I would have just got up and smiled on. It was a fuckin' Pizza Delivery Boy, driving at a speed of 70-80 kmph as if someone would die if they don't get their pizzas in time. I mean this needs to be brought to public notice. Right away.

As it is the pizza people just deliver within a diameter of 5kms, so that ensures that the farthest they will have to go would be no more than 2.5 kms. Now let us analyze the time taken in making and delivering a pizza.

Receive the order - 1 Min.
Send it to the chef - 1 Min.
Cooking the pizza and packing it - 5-10 Mins.
Taking it to the scooter - 2 Mins.
9-14 Mins in TOTAL.

Now what does that mean? That means that after promising you a delivery within 30 mins they still have another 16-21 Mins just to deliver it. Now in the worst case suppose they have just 15 Mins left. Now pay attention; Even at the snail slow speed of 10kmph on their scooters they can still make it in time. Aint that the way it should be. Now on a weekday afternoon in a residential area they are supposed to calm down and deliver it in time, WITHOUT KILLING ANYONE! I mean life is valuable folks. Pizza delivering is not more important than some one's life, even if you gotta give a few Pizza's for free trying to save a life, its always ok.

Now the trajectory of the delivery guy that had almost hit me was interesting. Here is a diagrammatic view of the complete incident in its entirety.

Now notice the path that the Pizza Guy took. The whole episode near me lasted probably just a fraction of a second. He scooted over the speed breaker, as if it had been there to give him a boost. As if he believed he was the Ghost Rider. I mean they came quite close to that concept when they had Spiderman deliver pizza in the second movie. He failed to deliver on time, and seems like the world has taken it to their hearts. I mean what they should understand is that its no race. The quality of your pizza or the character of the person delivering it has nothing to do with the fact how fast you deliver it. Both are mutually independent concepts.

To lay it down its not the delivery people's fault afterall. Its their bosses. They breathe down their neck 24x7 and threaten to cut their throats in their sleep if the pizza doesnt get delivered on time. I mean c'mon, anyways its bad for health, and now you get it faster too. I know how to google. I mean check out this beautiful collage I made, myself.

Is it soothing? NO! Is it disturbing? YES! Why is it disturbing? Cos' the guy is running with pizza packages, the pizza delivery guys are being mocked as if they were donkeys, pizza is for the poor, your kid is being kidnapped by your cat on his own bicycle. This is the kind of bull shit internet offers when you search for pizza delivery. Now deep down, all this can be linked to a conspiracy theory, where all internet users are being brain washed into eating more and more of pizza; so that the Pizza Corporations (up yours you schmucks!) can earn more and more money. And trust me the pizza's are expensive. Really expensive. So my recommendation is to stop eating Pizza's unless and until they find a new way to deliver it.

Now since half of the world doesnt give a shit about this HAZARD posed to humanity by the concept of speed pizza delivery. Maybe one day they will see what it means to be stranded in the middle of the road with a 'pizza chariot of fire' to test them. I have been there. I know.

Almost all parts of this account are fictitious except the fact that Pizza Delivery Personnel are bad at handling two wheelers and are speed demons and that one of them just dodged me by an inch. This article has been exaggerated for your pleasure.